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Why I Stopped Wanting to Have Sex With My Boyfriend

When a woman stops wanting to have sex with you, it’s not usually even a conscious decision, nor is it a decision she reaches overnight.  There are often many complex factors that play into a woman losing interest in having sex with you.  I have racked my brain to come up with the words to explain it, but the best way I can explain it is to share my own experience as to why I stopped wanting to have sex with my boyfriend, now ex by the way.

On the surface, it would seem that he was doing everything right.  I even had a close girlfriend tell me, don’t you ever leave him, he is a gem.  He would bring me home flowers, he would lite candles, he would play my favorite music and try to put me in the mood.  Most men believe that romance is the key to sex.  It helps yes, but there is more to it than this.

You see part of the problem was he wasn’t showing up in the rest of his life.  I pretty much called all the shots in that relationship and he allowed it.  I added him to my insurance policy.  I set up his 401k for him because I didn’t trust he knew how.  I kept the checkbook, paid the bills.  He had his check direct deposited into my account.   Hell there was a time that I drove him back and forth to work at 4 in the morning every single day because of a poor decision he made drinking and driving one night.  I know, silly me.  The bottom line was I became the masculine energy in that relationship.  I was the leader, he was the follower.  I was in control.  Now it wasn’t all his fault, some of the blame of course lies with me, but my part in it is a blog post for women, not men.

I basically became his Mother, and when we become Mothers, we no longer feel like being your your lover. It’s a difficult trap for a lot of women to avoid falling into. If she is acting like your Mother, it may be time to do some soul searching, because trust me, most women don’t realize that this is killing their desire for you. The disappearance of sex is a sign of deeper issues, really it is.  If she doesn’t want to have sex anymore, something is wrong.

Now it was my bad for doing all these things no doubt, but the resentment began to build because he allowed me to do these things.  I began to not feel safe opening myself to him.  The more closed I became, the more he tried his romance techniques and the more frustrated he became when it didn’t work .  I realize that sex is important for men, really I do.  I wanted to want to have sex with him.  But I just didn’t.  I am finally now, a year after it is all over figuring out why. I was in complete control in the relationship.

Now you may think that women want to be in control.  A lot of women even think they want to be in control, but the reality is at our core, we don’t.  We want a man to take the lead.  We want to know he can take control and when we begin to doubt this, the attraction, not to mention the respect begins to fade.

So as this escalated in our relationship and the sex became less and less he began to view me, the woman, as the obstacle to the pussy.  He was pursuing the pussy and not focusing on pursuing the woman.  Then it began to feel like his romantic gestures had a motive, or an agenda. He needed sex, I needed leadership to want the sex. Neither of us were getting our needs met. When we had sex, he was happy and he goes back out into the world and just goes through the motions with no purpose.   I continue to call all the shots in the relationship and the cycle repeated itself until we just died. A vicious cycle.

Men and women both want sex.  Sex is what differentiates your relationship with  your partner from all the other relationships you have in your life.  Sex is important.   A lot of men out there are searching for magic words to turn her on, and this blog is about texting, but today, I wanted to take this deeper for there is so much more to seducing your woman that your gestures, gifts, romance tactic and so forth and so on.  She needs to feel safe and how you show up in the world and stay present with her holds the keys to this. If she doesn’t want to have sex anymore, I urge you to look deeper. Is she more like you mother of your lover? Is she taking on the masculine role that is your divine birthright?

Below is a video I watched today with Alex Allman.  It really is worth the 8 minutes to watch and has some pretty funny parts that made me laugh out loud.  He is on it.  He nails it.  You can find more about Alex here on his site.

If  she doesn’t want to have sex anymore, or isn’t interested in having sex, I strongly suggest you check Alex out here and get the tools to turn this around.  Had my boyfriend been willing to open up to the fact that he didn’t know what he didn’t know about attraction, I am quite sure we would still be together and probably having sex like crazy.

 

 

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